The Positive Side of Pessimism

I was raised by a very pessimistic mother. She passed it on to me. As I grew, I realized that being pessimistic made her very unhappy. So, I lived for a good deal of my life as a pessimist in hiding. Most people saw me as very optimistic. I was pretending, but it worked fairly well for years. Then, I kept hearing how important optimism was to one's mental health. Being healthy emotionally and physically is my prime goal in life, even moreso now that I'm a senior. So, for the past several years, I have been making a sincere attempt to be a true optimist.

Today, however, I felt happy that I remain still a pessimist at heart. It's less stressful. While being overwhelmed by the tv reports of the incomprehensible sorrow of Haiti, and the scenes of masses of mud and water gushing everywhere in southern California, I also got a letter informing me I have basically lost a large sum of money in a limited partnership gone sour. This was a much-needed chunk of money for retirement, but unlike an IRA, was all after tax money. My immediate response was not surprise, sadness, anger at my financial adviser, ranting and raving against the rich bankers and the poor economy, or fear for my financial future. It was simply, “I expected it.”

Whatever the problem, I have noticed my distinct tendency, in spite of my optimistic intentions, to think ahead quickly to the worst case scenario. So, when my dividends from this “investment” dropped precipitously in 2009, I told myself that any money I'd ever see from that investment would be lagniappe – a wonderful word I learned when I lived in New Orleans. It means basically “something extra and unexpected.” Instead of taking comfort in the soothing words of my forever optimistic financial adviser, somehow jumping ahead quickly to expecting the worst actually helps to soften the blow.

I have no doubt I will continue to work on becoming truly optimistic, but I'm pessimistic about my chances.